I’ve always wanted to visit Moscow. I’ve heard a lot from grandparents raised in the walls of Soviet Union about the great cultural heritage that lies in the streets of the city. This summer I got to visit and pretend to be a cool Russian kid dressed up in Gosha Rubchinskiy.
I’m a sucker for nostalgia; I feed off of it. So walking around in a trench coat listening to mellow tunes while my hometown was burning from heat was a nice breather. I got to listen to my mom’s childhood stories about summers spent in the city with my grandparents. It’s a shame I didn’t get to experience it first-hand.
It’s hard to describe the city itself. You know how New York is overwhelmingly hectic? Well, Moscow is the opposite. It’s underwhelming… in a good way, if that makes any sense. It seems like the city is constantly mourning and everyone is always sad. It can be the dull weather or the Soviet influenced stone-cold architecture, but either way it’s weirdly comforting. It’s cold and it’s warm; it’s gigantic but you don’t feel lost; it’s a constructed contradiction just like myself and I like it a lot.
Continue reading “Moscow with Mom”
The more I think about it, the more I realize, I barely write about experiences. Or rather, I do but they are more of incidents that happy-ending stories. I write about people, and encounters with them; I write about valued humans and relationships. I’ve always found them intriguing.
I think, the less of the special ones you have in life, the more you worry about losing them and the constant notion of people leaving never disappears. More importantly, being scared of actually telling loved ones that I’m afraid of losing them is the illness I have. Because that makes me vulnerable. And people never like vulnerable. I guess I like being liked by people.
Continue reading ““Tolerable Letters to my Tolerable Friends or not-so””
Yes, I want to hear it from you, I do. I want to hear it from you now, because I never got to do it when I was supposed to.
I want to hear how you fell, like I did. I want to hear how you struggled and how your body crippled at the mention of my name. I want to hear how your heart finally got there; how you jumped out of a taxi cab out of a sudden realization, like I did. I want to hear why you hesitated. I want to hear why you took those steps. I want to hear every single reasoning behind your hidden, mysterious episodes. I want to hear about the occurrences in your brain I never got to experience and I want to hear why I never got to experience them. I want to hear it. All of it. From you.
And I want to know how many of us are there who didn’t get to hear.
featuring some images I found on tumblr
I’ve spent years hiding away my feelings underneath my pillow. All I’ve ever done is bottle things up inside me only to explode, every night, into an erupting volcano of emotions. I always thought complexity of one’s brain was something very rare and attractive. Making things more difficult was always an appeal for I thought there was absolutely nothing valuable about minimalism. I liked chaos.
Now? I crave simple and easy. I want people who are straightforward and honest. I’m over the “I’m too shy to really say what I mean” bullshit. I want to be as frank as I can; expressing everything going through my brain to a T. I refuse to close myself in anymore. I am going to open up. Open up to people and tell them how I really feel and what i really desire, open up to new opportunities with a mindset that trying new things is what’s going to lead me to new paths in life, open up and be as lighthearted, as expressive, as honest as i possibly can. Simple is the new black, kids.
Call me weird but I like cold.
Call me weird but I like cold – I would much rather be wrapped up in thousand sweater-blanket combos than walk around in a tank-top, sweating my a** off. Add great style, minimalism and a lot of sushi to that cold and I am in personal heaven a.k.a Scandinavia. Now, I already had Denmark and Sweden scratched off my checklist of places to visit and after Norway, I am finally convinced that the land of Vikings is also the land of very high-quality living and somewhat cold-hearted people. Continue reading “No Way, Norway”
Graduations-they can go to hell.
I could not emphasize enough how I hate endings. I hate saying goodbyes; physically can not handle them. C a n n o t. And as soon as May comes around and the school year comes to an end, instead of thinking of summer as the beginning of everything, I think of it as that bitch that is about to steal my consistency and friends for three whole months. Oh well.
Continue reading “A Moment Of Silence for May”
And I guess you’re trying to stay away from my type; and even though I have yet to fully comprehend what category of humans I fall into, I do know that the memory of past pain is still fresh in your mind so I keep reassuring myself that the problem is not me. Maybe there’s a reason this didn’t work out, maybe it wasn’t meant to be, or maybe the answer is simple: you never wanted anything to happen and my brain’s playing tricks on me. These irrational sentences run through my mind whenever I get a glimpse of you. I couldn’t explain them if I tried. I know I’ve said too much and felt too much in your presence, which I think is because of your undeniable charm, but could the utter openness and honesty drive a person away? We’ll soon find out.
Everything is a learning experience and if I have picked up anything on this journey seemingly with you but alone, is that I will never in a million lifetimes allow myself to be as vulnerable as your persuasive words have made me.
some sketches I made digitally
I think it’s becoming a little hobby of mine♥
I don’t know where to start. Or how to.
I don’t know if it’s worth recapping at all.
But like all the obstacles you overcome in life, this one too needs to be celebrated.
How can I describe 2016? It has been an emotional trainwreck; a beautifully painful, traumatic, eye-opening, experience-gaining, breathtaking, flesh-burning, panic-ridden year.
Here’s a list of things that happened:
Continue reading “Goodbye, hope to never see you again, 2016.”
October was tragic.
From endless gratitude to extreme fear, October showed up with a range of emotions.
Laughs, constellations, dusty photos, limitless joy, kisses and pain, poetry, music, realizations and most of all a sense of everything falling back to its place♥
Continue reading “October was tragic”